Episode 11; the season one finale of The Real Housewives of Sydney - and what an episode it was!
We start the episode with AthenaX being hypnotised in order to investigate her deep suspicion that she is somehow linked to some of the girls from a previous lifetime. In order to explore this possibility, her hypnotist takes her back to a past life in 1793 where she was a man named Iavakos. This man's wife, Katia, left him for his best friend.
According to AthenaX and her therapist, she had been hanging onto this pain since this life. She is urged to reveal if the source of that pain (Iavakos's best friend) is now currently in her life - and what a surprise! The cause of all the trouble is none other than me; Captain Eyebrows Nicole O'Neil!
In addition, Lisa was her beloved daughter - her pride and joy.
I'll be honest. At this point, I'm thinking of a small round biscuit that's perfect for cheese platters and dips.....
It's interesting to note that the hypnotist lady seems to be well aware of AthenaX's feelings towards both Lisa and I and helpfully makes the connection for her that this is the reason why she feels so close to Lisa and so distant to me.
I don't really know what to think about all of this... but I can't say I was surprised when AthenaX blamed me as the bad guy!
I just wish AthenaX would put the past behind her (both in this life and previous lives) because there really is no point looking back when your future is in the other direction!
We then move to a more lighthearted but definitely no less disturbing conversation between Matty and Christa Billich. After Matty was felt up, they sit down and have a glass of champagne.
Christa announces that Charlie the dog is getting married, however, in a strange turn of events, she will not be marrying another dog - but in fact a cat!
Matty is invited to be the Maid of Honour and Christa reveals that despite Charlie's disastrous first marriage with a pussy biting husband, Charlie is open to loving again.
Poor Matty isn't quite sure what to think - and neither am I!
Following on from all this cat talk, Christa reveals her most recent surgery... and it isn't your typical nose job or tummy tuck! In fact, Christa has had the "Mona Lisa" procedure for vaginal rejuvenation.
Luckily, she advised Matty not to tell anyone about such a private treatment and to just keep it between them...... and the cameras.... and the production crew..... and all of the RHOS viewers.
Whilst that isn't something I'd choose to do or share, I am someone who thinks you should always do what works best for you - so good on Christa for going after what she wanted.
AthenaX has invited us to a Breakfast at Levendi, inspired by Breakfast at Tiffany.
We loved the theme and relished dressing up in iconic Audrey Hepburn inspired attire. Lisa makes note that she assumes we are unaware of Holly Golightly's profession in the movie and instead chose to dress as Emily Eustes who she deemed far more elegant and appropriate.
Ironically, Emily Eustes' character has to pay men to sleep with her in the movie (no comment!).
We arrive at Levendi to find the red carpet rolled out and the most beautifully set table inside.
At this point, a lot of time had passed since my last incident with AthenaX and I was feeling really positive about the morning as I really felt like she had put the past behind us. Whilst she still had issues with Victoria, I really believe that if someone I know has a problem with someone, that doesn't mean it has to be my problem too.
During the morning, AthenaX has her Oprah moment and very generously gifts an Ithaca Levendi watch to each of us.
I genuinely love the watch and feel happy that she is putting the past behind us, making an effort to get on with Krissy and I.
Krissy, in her usual playful fashion, asks Panos to come over so we can all have a play with his jewels. There were some simply stunning pieces, beautiful rings and necklaces for us to try on and play with - definitely my idea of a good time!
Panos then presents us with the incredible dog and cat wedding invitations. The arrival of the invitations turns the topic to the Billches and how talk suggests that Charles Billich sleeps with all of his subjects. Matty has posed for Charles before as a gift for her partner and quite unneccessarily becomes the topic of conversation too!
As a stickler for detail, I was expecting great things from this wedding - and Bella and Baci would definitely be open to making new friends now that they were back in Sydney! I also strongly support marriage equality and was glad to hear that Christa was using this event to spread awareness.
I love trying out new fitness classes as I always get bored doing the same old thing and so, since everything is better with friends, I decided to bring Victoria and Krissy to an aerial yoga class for a bit of fun - though, Krissy and Victoria seem to be convinced from the outset that I have only taken them there to show off my skills!
I'll admit it, though... I am a tad bit competitive so they may just be right!
Not that Victoria could even see my moves as she had already curled up in the fetal position and gone to sleep after the instructor's demonstration. After she wakes up, Victoria accuses me of being bought because I had accepted AthenaX's generous gift.
I explained to her that I could not be bought and that I thought it was equally rude not to accept a gift.
As I said earlier; at this point, AthenaX and I had no issue with one another. She had apologised to me in Singapore and whilst I was disappointed with her involvement in the "intervention" at the Food Truck Fund event, I felt like our relationship was improving.
Krissy, in her ongoing attempt to get the hang of aerial yoga, finds herself in a bit of a bind as she's upside down in the sling, clinging on for dear life.
This scene played out like a comedy and we honestly could not stop laughing, falling to the ground in hysterics.
We head to the cat and dog wedding and AthenaX and Lisa are already stirring the pot with Matty in the car. The pair tells Matty that Krissy had been telling everyone that she had slept with Charles Billich... and we all know that was a lie!
How they can lie so convincingly is mind boggling!
The ceremony begins and I have to say I am not convinced that Charlie's next marriage is going to be much happier than her first!
As Melissa said in the best call of the night "I just licked the bitch, I didn't say I wanted to marry her!".
Regardless of our reservations about the chemistry between bride and groom, it was hard to appreciate the wedding as AthenaX in her usual attention-seeking behaviour was heckling throughout the ceremony.
Whilst it started off on a positive note, the accusations and blatant lies are coming thick and fast from the usual subjects and the entire mood changes.
Krissy is determined to remain cool under fire and quickly warns Victoria to turn around and go home as she sees her arrive. It becomes clear that there is absolutely nothing good that is going to come from this night - and we are on the precipice of an all-out smackdown fight.
You don't really appreciate the context of this violation on camera, but in real life Krissy had glitter in her eyes, in her mouth, all over her and was shaking - but determined to not let anyone see how upset she truly was.
And what on earth is going on inside AthenaX's head that she would have the forethought to pack a glitter bomb in her handbag?! That's not something you just carry around!
By this point, we had all had enough - and all of us walk out, leaving only the source of the craziness behind. Lisa and AthenaX remain and in an unusual interpretation of events, AthenaX states; "You can give strawberries to pigs but they'll never be appreciated".
And just like that, we've come to the end of season one. This drama is only a taste of what's to come in the reunion special next week. I am equally terrified and looking forward to seeing what the episode will show after the epic 15 hour ordeal!
Be sure to check back tomorrow for my behind the scenes post for some behind the scenes photos, stories and more.